health.officer

Sex. There isn’t even a proper word for it in our Vietnamese language. That’s how taboo it is in our community, which is funny in the sense that it’s necessary to propagate the community. 'Lay' which means ‘to take’ or 'ngu' which means to sleep is the only equivalent I can think of.

The extent of the sexual awareness discussion in our community goes along the lines of ‘Don’t do it until you’re married’ ‘Don’t hold hands or kiss for that matter, you can get pregnant if you hold hands'

This is in stark contrast to what we are exposed to going though the western educational system, where for most, the topic of sexual reproduction was brought to our attention at the start of high school. In light of this juxtaposition, it makes sense why I am always surprised when I find out from the Vietnamese adults I speak to, that they have had no idea what to expect on their wedding night, since no one, not even their mother discussed it with them.

Through tradition then, despite the fact we are educated about it at school which our parents/guardians are fully aware of, willingness towards giving loving advice about sex and relationships is still non existent. We can talk about education and careers until we are blue in the face, but sex and relationships which is equally as important to our lives as functional beings- is fervently avoided.

If sex is not discussable, especially in the comfort and space of people who care for us, then with it dies the safe sex talk. Now whether you’re single or married I believe you should be wised up about sex and with it safe sex, otherwise the consequences of not knowing are worse than wanting to explore as a result of knowing. The latter is what our parents/guardian fear, which is why sex is so taboo. In their eyes to know = a higher chance to engage in the act to not know= to not engage…

This is unrealistic on so many levels, one being the sexualisation of practically everything in the media, and two being the fact it is discussed in the classroom and amongst friends. At the of the day, parents/guardians should see that the best course of action needed to protect their dependent from making bad sexual decisions is not to keep their child in the dark but to empower them through knowledge, a barrier I will attempt to break in this blog.

So safe sex knowledge, what is it?
It is about knowing what to do to prevent against falling pregnant (if you’re not ready to have a child) and also more importantly, from contracting a sexually transmitted illness (STI).

And girls and boys, it’s about using both the female contraception and male contraception ie. the PILL and CONDOM in tandem. Remember it takes 2 to have sex and therefore 2 people to have safe sex.

For females, it’s always best to see your doctor to discuss the options since there are many forms and the best way to protect yourself is to find one that tailors to your individual body. Sometimes you might have to go on and off several forms before the right match is found, but when you find it, you will be thankful. Think of it as trying to find the right pair of jeans!

For males, not much is available besides the condom which should not be kept in the wallet for months on end, since the material will disintegrate over time and be useless. The male version of the pill is available in some areas so if that sounds like something you are interested in you need to discuss that with your doctor. However, again it should be used in tandem with a condom.

Now let’s take it one step further by discussing exactly how STIs and teen pregnancy can be an inconvenience to your life or your plans for the future.

STI reality check

 ·  symptoms may not be noticeable at first so your partner may look fine, but s/he still has the virus

·  once you get the virus, you might need to be on medication for life

·  you are legally required to tell every sexual partner you have of your condition or you will be taken to court for withholding that information should they contract the STI from you.

·  of course the mood is killed when you tell an interested part you have an STI, but if you are with someone who really wants to be with you then this is just a minor obstacle and if anything reinforces the need to use protection.

In light of this, if either you or your current partner has had previous partners, it is important to get a STI check. It might sound daunting to ask them for it, but that shouldn’t even be a consideration if you wish to have a respectful relationship.

Teen Pregnancy Reality Check

·  as a teen you want to go out, meet people and have fun. With a baby that comes unexpectedly, these things then aren’t as easily accessible anymore.

·  any dreams you had will need to be postponed, which is fair enough, but can be tough to handle when you see your peers get to their dreams so easily (in you eyes)

·  friends might not be able to relate to you as much as they want to due to this life experience, and you might feel isolated.

·  your friends will always gush about how great the baby is, when you know the other side which they won’t- the crying, the poo, the cost of supporting the baby and that realistically the baby bonus just isn’t enough!!! A couple of grand sounds big when you are a teen and earning $10 bux an hour working at a fast food joint but it actually costs around 1 million dollars to raise a kid up to the age of 18 years.

I hope this short introduction has been informative, if not to yourself, then maybe you can pass it onto someone who might need it. Although out of curiousity, has anyone had the luxury of talking about the above at the kitchen table? If so, what was that like?

Perhaps we could revolutionise what is discussed at a Vietnamese dinner table by having an older sibling use the information here to advise a younger sibling in front of the parents as the first step to breaking the barrier. Is anyone willing to try that? If so, I would really appreciate knowing the results, however please be mindful I am not advocating for you to get in trouble since that would only make the barrier even more tough to break in the future which would be counterproductive to our purpose to make sex talk more acceptable!!!

That’s it from me this month- if you want other topics to be raised on these blogs, please send through your suggestions and I will endeavour to get to them if I’m not already working on it to empower all of us further! That’s what it's about- empowerment!

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